Sometimes it is easy to forget who we are.
I have just moved house. It’s a stressful experience, but now we’re on the other side of it, it feels good. But the writing has been interrupted, old routines broken and thrown to the wind, as the places that I’d made for the writer in me have been replaced with new places and new routines are going to have to be forged: this is what made me an arsehole.
So the time came in the new house, the time to seek out a corner for myself – somewhere quiet where I could “get in the zone” or “find my muse” or whatever other terminology might be used to try to justify my own selfishness. I seemed to make such a big deal of getting this space right (whereas in the old house I just used to write on the bed, the same one as I would sleep on), and it became all consuming that it was just right. Arsehole!
I think that sometimes it is easy to forget that I am not the most important person in the world, and that probably most people don’t feel like I do about my work, and that maybe all of those hours spent on a piece of writing don’t make it a masterpiece that must take precedence over all other aspects of my life. I mustn’t become the arsehole!
So now that new space is in the spare room, wedged in between some plastic bags, some bunk beds, and a load of junk in cardboard boxes. Who knows, perhaps that is where I belong – with all the junk – but perhaps not. Perhaps writing in all that junk will give me the drive I need to actually get things moving. But being an arsehole isn’t going to help anyone. I must stop being an arsehole.
Rob.
robsparkeswriting 
I’ve been reading some of your posts and I’ve really enjoyed them. I have a question though. I’m just beginning to write myself, and have found that I’ll write a piece, think it’s awesome, then come back to it later and think it’s complete garbage. In the end, I don’t have enough confidence in my work to ever put it out there Have you ever found yourself in this position?
Hello there,
I’m glad you’ve enjoyed reading some of my posts. In answer to your question: yes! All the time, pretty much. It is an odd thing writing – more compulsion than need I think – and because of that it can create some strange feelings about your own work. In my personal experience, it was very hard to let someone see my work for the first time. Self-doubt and criticism are hard things to contend with. The trick is to not get too precious about your work, and to accept some criticism for it, which is hard, but will ultimately help you grow as a writer.
I think that for me, a lot of the stories I write begin to become something real on the rewrites. It’s like until then they are something that I’ve written – they are mine. But after I’ve gone through them, often again and again, (don’t know if you saw the post on the novel in progress, but I think I’m on about draft eight now!) they begin to become something in themselves, something that isn’t just mine anymore, so it makes them easier to let go. I don’t know if that makes sense really: I don’t even know if it does to me!
But, I think the thing to remember is that when you return to your work, and it isn’t as good as you thought it was going to be (which it never is) you need to look at it, take a deep breath, and then keep rewriting and rewriting until you feel you are getting near. It is in the rewrites that the stories are truly born.
I’ve actually got a wordpress page for the novel, which has only just gone up, but I’d be interested to hear some opinions on it. Hopefully I will be adding more content to it soon, (and who knows, one day I might finally publish it!)
Take care and good luck!
Rob.
It’s like an addiction, we can get very stressed when we can’t get our fixes. That doesn’t excuse arseholey behaviour, but it does make it more understandable.
Cheers, Julie.
That makes me feel a bit better!